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Deleted Scenes

by Lilly Wolf

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1.
I want to run away with you I want to hold your hand And point at things like pretty flowers And make promises and plans Talk ourselves into an avenue and drive each other mad Until it’s gone How long til it’s gone How long til it’s gone We talk big We get bitter We wear our misery on our sleeves We love hard Kill each other We do it recklessly They’re tying loops around their ankles to their flickering TVs I see their lackluster religions and their neighborhood intrigues And all the air-conditioned loneliness inside the SUVs Until it’s gone
2.
Wasteland 04:27
My head’s a wasteland, a library of names Open books without words, open graves I feel the days slip, not one remains Nothing waits for me here, nothing stays I stood with you and watched the snow And the whiting out I know that I can’t stop the time I have an entry for the days But no letters on the page Just a date and a name We saw the cars pass, diamonds in the night And your ribs left their heat against mine My head’s a killer, it’s coming for me too I don’t know how to hold on to you
3.
When it started out it was nothing at all You were kind of startling Angled and withdrawn. Looking for a map of the world or a song I don’t know Suddenly I’m losing my head in a rush Everything is highly defined and I’m fucking up You can see me running alone in the street Will you though I can see the bright lights glowing The alarm starts going And I think I’ve made a terrible mistake But we’re all dying anyway Even if it kills me Even if I don’t recover I would rather be killed by a lover I can see the bright lights Something isn’t working I can’t find the words Summertime adrenaline left me an afterburn Looking for a map of the world or a song I don’t know Swimming in and out of a chemical sleep Doubled over trying to drown in my bed sheets You can see me running alone in the street Will you though Someday when you see me I’ll be remote controlled Call my name I’ll wave and say hello
4.
Witness 03:48
You wanted everything perfect You tried to make it work and it did I was there to be witness to the moments Lined up like post-it notes in the fine print I tried to keep you on the line The phone rang, the middle of the night Sleepless and terrified In my invisible vigil at your bedside You say that now you’re an actor Playing a doctor but you’re darker inside Trying to mend these delicate bones Negotiating with yourself at the same time And we lose The moment here To our past and future fears
5.
Pop Dream 03:32
I can float Like devastation I can vanish in the weeds Leave the broad constellations For the endless underseas Roses in the graveyard, roses in the garden Scattered in the black Deleted scenes I've been writing pages no one ever reads Pop dreams I've been writing pop dreams I can speak to the silence Play a singular refrain And I pull back the curtain But the view remains the same
6.
I’m in the white heat Out on the concrete Knees to the pavement I spit I’m making reds and blues Run in violet hues And I’m dizzy from it I’m coming upturned Like a ruptured balloon You’ll see me blinking with my insides removed I could be the one making diamonds out of blood Cutting my lip I could be the one with the paper on my tongue I’m dizzy from it All these moving pictures making me sick I get dizzy I get dizzy from it I’m in the main arcade the electric lane And it’s painfully bright Lit and luminous Bleeding ruinous Noise and poisonous light I held a map up in my hands It bled and all the colors ran I saw the symbols and the words But when I blinked the colors blurred I could be the one I could be the one
7.
Little Bones 03:05
Every day looks like each other Draw the curtains Deep cover Egg yolks and orange rinds Red fruit with miniature spines Little bones are in my dreams Masked men with skeleton keys And able bodies Who cradles my insides Hearts beat and the organs will grind I go to meet the sea Ships land on distant shores What are they calling me for How can they carry me I’m a dark and angry daughter Rolling under warm water Old hulls are in the brine Lying in silent decline I’m alone in afternoons Weighted down by soft tissues Who do they lean to
8.
You were in the dark you were cursing at something I was on the floor staring up at nothing You were in the car with the headlights glowing Where are you going Where are you going Dead end What do we do The sound is out I’m on mute Dead end What do we say With all the words the wrong way All I wanna do All I wanna do Is burn burn burn burn burn with you All I wanna do All I wanna do Is burn burn burn burn burn I was in the dark when you caught me like a reflex Back to the wall hands on my neck I think I could be a ghost in the headlights glowing Where are you going Where are you going
9.
Nerves 03:47
I used to be so logical but now all my nerves Are overheated lighting fireworks my head is submerged In some demented disco carnival I know it’s absurd I heard people are a little bit concerned I don’t wanna be cured I don’t feel sick It’s only nerves Don’t want to quiet my brain I want everybody else to be insane I used to be methodical and ordered inside But now the screaming electricity has damaged my mind And all the doctors and the nurses and the sanity meds Can’t stop any of the crazy in my head I’ve got a lot of pills for psychotropic pain They look so pretty when they’re circling the drain
10.
Violence 04:46
I met a man who punched a wall And riding on the train I said what makes you simmer makes you burn What makes you get this way he said I just had a moment, I saw my love turn red Now I don’t remember where I went Or anything I said I can feel my insides wrenching I can hear the buzz I can feel a steady pulsing in my eardrums Cause I’m a quiet kind of violent In a city where the cold gets into everyone eventually I just want to tell you you’re extraordinary Then throw glassware make it rain on everybody Some violence is obvious But mine is on my tongue I feel it like a frequency A twitching in my blood I want to be a frantic thing A flashing in the dark A desperado dying With a bullet to my heart I just want to I just want to I just want to Make it rain on everybody

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released September 16, 2015

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Lilly Wolf New York, New York

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